it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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