Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
