I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize