I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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