you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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