By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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