i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
