I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
