Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
