Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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