Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
