My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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