The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
