Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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