she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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