i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
