took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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