ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
