We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
