I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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