Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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