Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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