im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
