dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
