Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize