I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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