You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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