Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So much Jack, so little girl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
