she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
