Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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