I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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