I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
