Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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