I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
