We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
