Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
