Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
