At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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