So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
