so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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