hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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