I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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