That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
