he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
