I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she smelled like a LAN party
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
