lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you inspire me to be a worse person
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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