worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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