508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
