I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
