So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
only you would photoshop your dick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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