are you still at the devil's house?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
where are you?
Hypothermia
ttyl tear gas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
