Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
