I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
