my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
