I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
