yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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