i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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