it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
