Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
