got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
