Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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