I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
