Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
