I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
