Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
two words: eviction party
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
