Your tits are I can't wait for
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
