How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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