she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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