i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
