I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
