Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
