You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
