So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
