it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
