Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
