ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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