fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
